Navigating the Depths of Spiritual Weariness

Ever been tired?

I’m talking about the to-the-depths-of-your-soul kind of tired that brings you to your knees and crushes your spirit. The kind of tired that makes you want to sleep and cry out in despair at the same time. The kind of tired that robs your joy and makes you not fun to be around.

For the past year, maybe even longer, I’ve been walking around in that kind of tired. How I got here is a toxic mashup of work responsibilities and contractual obligations, with a large dose of stress and anger and spiritual warfare thrown in for good measure. I’ve been feeling overextended and underappreciated. I’ve been sad, and lonely, and bitter. I stopped loving my work. I stopped loving my writing. Pretty much, I just flat out stopped loving because when you’re filled with weariness and discouragement, there’s no room left for love.

But this week, God brought me to the Blue Ridge Mountains for a writers’ conference. I hadn’t been to one in years, and I can tell you this, coming to an event like this typically requires weeks if not months of preparation. There are pitch sheets to write, proposals to draft, faculty and class lists to study, business cards to order…the to-do list is lengthy, and I did none of it. In fact, I stepped off the plane in North Carolina with my computer and a highlighter in hand. No business cards. No pitch sheets. No appointments scheduled and no agenda. And praise God for that, because what I found at this conference was exactly what I needed. I found a stone of remembrance.

Everywhere I’ve looked, I’ve seen people who are leaning into God for hope and strength and was reminded of years past when I spent just as much time in the prayer rooms at conferences as I did in the classrooms. I’ve seen writers with such longing on their faces that it reminded me I once felt the same way. I’ve seen praises lifted up while tears streamed down and I remembered standing in exactly the same place many times over.

There’s been energy and excitement, sorrow and instruction. There’s been conversations over dinner and prayers in quiet corners. There’s been laughter and tears. Food and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. But you know what hasn’t been present? My tiredness.

Now understand, my situation has not changed. In fact, when I get home, I’ll probably be just as busy because college classes and work/writing schedules have not changed and likely won’t for some time. But I have changed. I had to travel 800 miles to get back to where I started…and that is to a place of love and trust in my Father, who holds me tenderly in His capable hands. I’m sure I’ll have to remind myself of this lesson many times over in the coming months because my adversary just loves dragging me down following a spiritual high. But that battle is for another day.

For now, I’m going to rest in a passage from Isaiah. I believe the words are meant for me. Maybe they’re meant for you too:

Isaiah 40:27-31

Why do you say, O Jacob,
And speak, O Israel:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
And my just claim is passed over by my God”?
²⁸ Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
³¹ But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

#BRMCWC2023