Sunday, October 27, 2013

“... don’t sever what you are for what you couldn’t be ...”

This line from the Demon Hunter song “Thorns” has been haunting me for a couple of days.

Who am I, really? And who is it I want to be? What could I be in danger of abandoning in my grasping for the unattainable?

I am ...

... spun into being by the Creator of the universe, not by chance but deliberately, despite the questionable circumstances of my conception.

...redeemed by the priceless blood of the Son of God, despite my being completely without worth on my own.

...complete in Christ, despite my being very much a work in progress.

...seated in the heavenlies with Christ, despite the fact that my feet walk this earth.

... a daughter of the Most High God, despite my stumbling and doubts.

... equipped as a warrior, capable of skill and strength, despite my flaws and weakness.

...given access to the very Spirit of God, who lives inside me, despite my being a fragile, temporal being of flesh.

Why would I want to trade these for anything?

And yet I am tempted to, every day. I find myself angry, or at least annoyed, with my circumstances.  Envious of someone else’s success. Longing for the supposed validation of approval—or even just understanding—from others.

What do I think I want, that I don’t already have?

If it were easy to walk in what God has created us to be, there would be no references to fighting the good fight, or the need to stand firm in Christ. But so many times, when the battle is particularly intense, or relentless, I also find myself utterly depleted, emotionally and spiritually.

And yet ... He is still there. He is still enough. He is still the One who pursued me and called me to be His while I remained entrenched in rebellion. Who extends me grace, even when I lash out at those I love. Who coaxes me with His love, and sends the good, soaking downpour of His presence, when my heart is hard and my spirit is dry. His timing remains a mystery to me, but He has never failed to show up when I come to the end of myself and cry out to Him.

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world ...

But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

11 Therefore remember... 12 that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. 13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. (Ephesians 2)

For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; 10 and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. (Colossians 2, all NKJV)


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